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Everybody has a list of woodworking books they enjoy and a stack of woodworking books that they never should have bought (anything with “Krenovian birdhouses” in the title). And most woodworkers have a list of woodworking books that they wish would get published someday.
That is not what we are writing about today. Below are the books that should never see the light of day. Or are simply ridiculous. Joel Moskowitz, the founder of Tools for Working Wood, came up with 11 sample titles below. Have a look:
“The Complete Guide To Honing Guides”
“Woodworking and Intellectual Property Law for Forum Posters”
“Lost in a Tool Tray – The Search for the Hidden Marking Knife”
“Seven Excuses for not Finishing Your Kitchen Cabinets”
“Tool Purchase Budgeting”
“Interesting Uses for Rarely Used Tools”
“101 Party Suggestions for those ‘I’ve Finished a Project’ Parties”
“Popular Woodworking’s Guide to the Writings of Chris Schwarz”
“How to Increase Productivity When You Have Internet Access At Work”
“How to Make Your Own Folding Chairs”
“A Price Guide to Lie-Nielsen Boxes and Packing Materials”
Of course, Joel’s list prodded me to make up my own. I don’t know if I can top that “price guide” book. That one almost made me soil myself. Here goes:
“$10 Bed Rocks and Unicorns that Poop Rainbows”
“Make Your Own BBQ Grill — From Wood!”
“Craft Fair Crap”
“Still More Craft Fair Crap”
“‘Nice Crotch!’ and 600 Other Naughty-sounding Woodworking Terms”
“How to Murder Trees and Make Stuff With Their Flesh”
“Plywood Silhouettes of Famous French Monarchs”
“I Hate Tools That Cost More than $1 (And the People Who Buy Them)”
“How to Make $40,000 a Year at Woodworking” (Oops, this actually is a real book!)
OK humorous woodworkers. Here’s your chance. Leave the title of your most ridiculous imaginary book in the comments below. By the way, this is all a joke. So if you’re going to leave an angry comment, I’m going to roll my eyes.
– Christopher Schwarz
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