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I was about 12′ up in the rafters of a barn, climbing on the biggest mountain of Eastern white pine I’ve ever seen. Then I saw it above me: a monster 5/4 board that was at least 20″ wide.
And it was on the top of the stack of lumber , easy pickings. But then my joy turned quickly to revulsion.
While building projects often seems like an adventure, hunting the wood can sometimes feel like a movie , sometimes it’s “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” sometimes it’s “Drugstore Cowboy” and other times it’s “Dumb and Dumber.”
I’ve been in a barn full of walnut that was ruled by legions of swooping bats and twitchy raccoons. I’ve met guys in their garages in the dead of night to trade cash for cambium. And I’ve bought wood from a professional cabinetmaker who sold me all his curly maple for half price. (“I hate it when I get curly wood. Ugly,” he said.)
So there I was with both hands on that big pine board when I saw that some mammal had left me a heaping organic present in the middle of this monster board.
I called down to Senior Editor Glen Huey at the bottom of the stack. “Aw man, there’s a big pile of poo on this board.”
“I hate it when there’s dog crap on the wood,” Glen replied.
“Glen,” I asked. “How in the world could a dog possibly get up here?”
Glen replied, “OK, how big is the pile?”
“Too big.” I took another look and carefully shifted the plank aside to get the board below it.
All in all, it was well worth the trip out to the barn. I ended up with some boards that were wider than 15″ , and one that was 17-1/2″. And it’s nice stuff , not at all crappy.
– Christopher Schwarz
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