Chris Schwarz's Blog

Is Megan a Supreme Woodworker?

week Megan Fitzpatrick, our managing editor, is in Washington, D.C., to
allegedly visit her mother and fix stuff around her mom’s house. But
this morning my boss, Steve Shanesy, may have uncovered the truth.

U.S. Supreme Court is looking for a cabinetmaker to supervise its six
employees who repair and modify the furnishings of the Supreme Court.
Don’t believe me? Here’s the link.

It makes sense. And she’s actually qualified for the job:

• High school diploma? Check. She’s a doctoral candidate in Early Modern Drama.

Extensive knowledge of the characteristics of a variety of hardwoods,
softwoods, plywoods, veneer, wood substitutes, gluing and bonding agents
and related woodworking materials. Check. Ask her about her deep
knowledge on SpeedTape.

Experience in dealing with high level government officials and other
dignitaries. Check. No one has been better at ingratiating herself to
the various CEOs of this publishing company. Before I hired her to this
position, I feared her in her last position.

Plus she would look good in a robe and a big fluffy wig. Not that it’s a
job requirement, but I bet one of the justices would loan her some
cast-off robes for fun.

— Christopher Schwarz

10 thoughts on “Is Megan a Supreme Woodworker?

  1. John H. Mead

    Ask Megan to respond to her email – even a form letter wouild suffice.
    And what’s a HTML?

  2. Sandy Navas

    Shhhhh – you just gave away. Megan has been in a WPP (witness protection program)and you have given it all away. I am so glad you didn’t show her photo with this posting.

  3. John Cashman

    Wait a minute. There’s a background check. You don’t actually think her cover can stand up to that kind of scrutiny, do you?

  4. John Cashman

    I’ve had enough of the snow up here in the northeast as well. How about a magazine subscription drive? Send Megan up here to shovel and I’ll renew mine for ten years.

  5. megan

    Very amusing. This morning, the extent of my labor has been to shovel snow off 150 feet of sidewalk. I’m now longing for the bottle of ibuoprofen that’s in my desk drawer.

Comments are closed.