Chris Schwarz's Blog

Ripped from the Headlines

Note to self: Do not drink coffee whilst reading e-mail. A note this morning from Emily (you may remember her from the Norm Abram lookalike contest) made me spit coffee onto my keyboard. You’ll have to click through to see why (I just can’t bring myself to post a page from Maxim “above the fold”).

Here’s the (excerpted) caption from the magazine:
” A true master has zero tolerance for coarse, crude cuts made by inferior instruments….That’s why we’re enamored of the Wenzloff & Sons Disston Panel Saw, a fine crosscutting confection….Use it to fell your neighbor’s view-killing trees, and instead of taking offense, they may just compliment your strikingly beautiful instrument” (from the August 2010 issue of Maxim).

And here’s Emily’s note:
“Inquiring minds want to know…
– Do the Wenzloffs know about this?
– Why on earth would anyone use their beautiful crosscut panel saw to cut down a tree?
– What editor allowed them to use “perfectly ripped” as a tagline on a crosscut saw?
– What is wrong with that girl’s dangly arm?  It looks like she’s suffered a stroke.
– On a related note, why didn’t they ask one of the Women of WIA to pose for this picture?
(Editor’s note: No. Not gonna happen.)
 
Emily
 
P.S. I don’t subscribe to Maxim, I swear , I got it from a friend.

Mike Wenzloff, we’re waiting to hear from you!

– Megan Fitzpatrick

Update: Kari Hultman (who, in addition to her woodworking and blogging excellence, is a talented graphic designer), just sent me this (here’s hoping Chris isn’t checking his blog from across the pond):

28 thoughts on “Ripped from the Headlines

  1. Ross

    The shocking thing is that Chris actually looks good in long hair ;-). I am assuming that you and Kari realize that a big dose of revenge is coming – right?

    Ross

  2. Paul

    I just saw the picture of Chris Schwarz in his Daizy Dukes holking a crosscut saw from Wenzloff and Sons. You also mentioned that he was on vacation "over the pond". I guess you could say that he is a broad. I know I’m going to catch hell for this.

  3. Phil

    Superimposing Chris’ face over the young lovely’s was a shocking and dangerous dangerous thing to do. That image has gone to the same mental closet where I keep the little girl from ‘The Excorcist’, the Boogie-man from my childhood and the time I accidently saw my grandmother naked…I may never sleep again.

  4. Kerry Doyle

    I’m more concerned about the models’ finish. Sprayed? Hand rubbed? Oil? Maybe lack-her?

  5. Mrs.Ydb1md

    LOL – In regard to photo #1: Keep up that kind of publishing and woodworking will never die and that is all I have to say about that. ;0)

    Photo # 2: When are the autographed copies going to be released? :p

  6. Eric R

    pic #1 – She can use my saw for anything she wants, anytime she wants.

    pic #2 – This has left me psychologically scarred for life!

  7. Gregg Counts

    Hey, Mike, I’ll buy one of those panel saws today if you can get her to come along and teach me how to use it. Or, if they return that one, let me know. I might buy it used, so to speak.

  8. Dean Jansa

    MikeW —

    Honest, I do not subscribe, Norma sent it to me (and she claims she got it from a friend.)

    🙂

  9. Mike Wenzloff

    Hi Megan–what a hoot! Thanks for the email about the blog entry. DeanJ emailed me this morning about an hour before you did.

    Now, I didn’t know whether Dean subscribed or not and sort of took it that way from his email. Then I got to thinking that if he didn’t actually see the magazine, there could only be a couple places on the web he would have seen it. This blog was the first place I checked. Go figure [bg].

    We had some side bets going on here about the article. Who would be the first person to email us? Would anyone even notice? Etc.

    For the record, we provided the saw under our normal conditions when asked. Buy it or return it unharmed. Sometimes, like with a recent issue of Popular Mechanics, we don’t even know that an article or blurb is being written unless a customer or another individual lets us know (which is how I found out that the Lee Valley panel saws were in PM). I didn’t see an advance copy–in fact, this blog post is our first peak-a-boo and the article.

    Ah, so much fun to end the week on. We all have had a good laugh and appreciate Jesse Will at Maxim for requesting the saw. We’ve had so much fun that I suspect over the next few days our whiteboard is going to be covered in one-liners because we’re coming up with some good ones.

    Take care, Mike

  10. Mark Poulsen

    The really sad thing is that they buy a great Wenzloff saw for the shoot and then it will end up in either the photogs prop stash (never to be used) or his assistant will take it home and yup, you guessed it – use it to cut down trees.

  11. Trevor Walsh

    Just when you thought sensible, self-reliant woodworking was going to catch us as a nation, we are urged to let scantily clad, high heel wearing, eye twitching women use gorgeous expensive saws to chop down trees. And call it all wrong.

    Trevor Walsh

    (Not that I have anything against scantily clad, high heel wearing, eye twitching women in the shop, just when they use our stuff improperly)

  12. Mark Harrison

    That is a seriously disturbing photo! 🙂

    Reminds of that bit in "Being John Malkovich" where John Malkovich gets inside his own head. If you haven’t seen the movie I’m afraid you’re going to have to see it to understand what I am saying because it is just too complex to summarise.

  13. Ed Furlong

    Megan:

    My keyboard remains coffee free, although my bad eye may have gained a diopter looking "below the fold."

    The composition of the image strongly infers use of a sawbench, so I can only wonder if this is a variant of Christopher Schwarz’s sitting crosscut technique? Is it a variant of Chris?

    Just kidding Chris. although in the preceding blog post you indicate you are going "on vacation…" A full report may be necessary when you return.

    Thanks Megan for upholding the standards of scholarship Chris has been bringing to the blog.

    Ed
    Evergreen, CO

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