week Megan Fitzpatrick, our managing editor, is in Washington, D.C., to
allegedly visit her mother and fix stuff around her mom’s house. But
this morning my boss, Steve Shanesy, may have uncovered the truth.
U.S. Supreme Court is looking for a cabinetmaker to supervise its six
employees who repair and modify the furnishings of the Supreme Court.
Don’t believe me? Here’s the link.
It makes sense. And she’s actually qualified for the job:
• High school diploma? Check. She’s a doctoral candidate in Early Modern Drama.
Extensive knowledge of the characteristics of a variety of hardwoods,
softwoods, plywoods, veneer, wood substitutes, gluing and bonding agents
and related woodworking materials. Check. Ask her about her deep
knowledge on SpeedTape.
Experience in dealing with high level government officials and other
dignitaries. Check. No one has been better at ingratiating herself to
the various CEOs of this publishing company. Before I hired her to this
position, I feared her in her last position.
Plus she would look good in a robe and a big fluffy wig. Not that it’s a
job requirement, but I bet one of the justices would loan her some
cast-off robes for fun.
— Christopher Schwarz