Out of the Woodwork: Fighting Evil Alien Technology

Beating it requires knowing the right way to nail a board.
By Jim Tolpin
Page: 104

From the December 2004 issue #145
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When I was about 8 years old, I decided that I needed to construct a sturdy fort to protect myself from the army of aliens (who cleverly had taken the form of my older sister and her friends) that were constantly invading my backyard.

I had never built anything this large or complex before – a birdhouse in shop class was the only other dwelling-like structure that took shape under my hands – but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Gathering up some old boards and some random lengths of 2x4s, I used up an entire bucket full of old nails to encourage the wood to hold together as something that could be loosely interpreted as a fort. It was only a matter of weeks before the boards began to split around the nails. Soon after that, many fell off and deserted my garrison altogether. I attributed the structural failures to the work of evil and mysterious alien technology.

From the December 2004 issue #145
Buy this issue now

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