Note to Self on Future Hires - Popular Woodworking Magazine

Note to Self on Future Hires

 In Chris Schwarz Blog, Woodworking Blogs

Early Modern Drama majors are enablers. They have fancy library cards and access to stuff that makes you pasty white and boring at parties. I used to have friends. People used to say they liked me.

– Christopher Schwarz

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  • james

    So Megan is a drama major? That explains a lot.

    Yes, it does. Ms Megan deleted a post of mine on the Beer Week thread. Weird thing is, my post was an EXACT take off on one of the food network TV ladies who was describing chocolate. The only change was that i substituted the word beer for chocolate. Guesses the food network ladies are to racy for drama mama’s.

  • James Watriss

    Oh My.

    Is it a bad sign that this is starting to sound like a group of my own (highly academicicized and intellectual) friends up here in Boston?

  • Roger

    Mullet: all buisness in the front, all party in the back

  • SeanA

    So Megan is a drama major? That explains a lot.

  • The Red & Black Redneck

    "When that August with his heat abate,
    And joyners’ shops doth cool of heat,
    And tools no more doth sweat their steel,
    Then joyners again apply their skill;

    When Carpo doth prepare to join,
    Persephone on her Hell-ward sojourn,
    Then scions of Tekton and heirs of Persephone,
    Again strike the line and plane the beam.

    With skills of Danaus and Argus too,
    Those joyners bring life back to wood,
    Once felled and drained of its life-will,
    With subtle hands guiding sharpened steel."

    That’s what an English degree, passion for woodworking and a few extra minutes will get you. Megan, I still say the author of the Martin Marprelate tracts was the author of Shakepeare’s works. ; )

  • John Cashman


    Sounds like a good one to reprint.

  • Chris – what is the thing in the lower right corner of the twin screw vise box?
    Adam – Any women who can jump on her own workbench has my vote, word snob or not.
    Hoping for a mullet free zone!

  • Christopher Schwarz

    It’s The Scolar Press Limited, Menston England. 1972

    I don’t think they are around anymore.

    Good luck finding one for sale. Megan and I have failed so far.

  • Chuck Nickerson

    1. There’s an 1970’s reprint? Do tell! (Seconding Gary’s request).

    2. We want more titles. My wife requires I spend some time in the house. Grumble… In there, the only interesting thing I can do is read about woodworking.

  • Gary Roberts

    Drat and *amn you, foul miscreant! I’ve the digital version of Holmes and knew only of the Printing reprint (part III) ’till now. Wouldst thou tell us the publishing house?

    Gary Roberts

  • Doug F.

    Whoa! Whoa! Let’s not go overboard! Mullet extensions just scream "poser".

    You realize it’s a book. It doesn’t have a cord. Read it outside. Melanoma, shmelanoma. Go for the hearty lumber jack look.

    Anyway, I thought that pasty white look was from the glow of your laptop screen because of all the hours you spend posting to this blog.

  • Christopher Schwarz

    You’re right.

    I’m going to go get a mullet today.

  • Megan

    "What cracker is this same that deafs our ears with this abundance of superfluous breath?"

  • Ed Furlong

    I don’t know Chris, it sure sounds like a case of liberal arts library card envy to me. And the pasty white business, we call it "preserving one’s Goth pallor." Pretty soon you will be wearing skin-tight black jeans and jackets and acting like an art major. Who knows, you will probably start spouting out boring pretentious titles for your next workbench, something like:

    "Vise vice: post-modern patriarchal transgressions in workholding"

    It is a slippery slope, my friend; you’re heading well past the angle of repose.


  • Adam Cherubini

    Okay. That’s 2 "witty" comments from me. Maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to that fourth double mocha latte.

  • Christopher Schwarz

    Apparently it’s happy hour in Adam’s neck of the woods.


  • Adam Cherubini

    I don’t find you boring. Just pretentious. Especially annoying is your usage of words like "fortnight" and "anon". We all know where they came from. Or should I say "who" or is it "whom" Dammit! She’s doing it to me!

    I say fire Megan. Poor grammar and bad spelling, along with the male domintaed tunnel vision, so prevalent in woodworking magazines, helped me maintain my sense of superiority. And as we all know, that is the ineviatble goal of all special interest publications. Pecking order.

    P.S. Megan you’re not fooling anyone. Everybody knows Glen Huey can’t formulate a complete sentence. STOP YOUR CONFOUNDED MEDDLING. WE WANT OUR IGNORANT WOODWORKERS BACK!

    P.P.S. Stop editting worlds like "Alas" and "exeunt" into my articles!

  • pegsandtails

    Nice vice, but is that a waving engine to the right of it? Waving engines are really what 17th century woodwork is about!

  • Ron

    Early Modern, kinda like Jumbo Shrimp…..

  • Christopher Schwarz

    Yes it’s Randle Holme’s "Academy of Armory…" Megan Fitzpatrick, an Early Modern Drama student and PhD candidate, checked out the *massive* 1970s reprint for me.

    I couldn’t stop reading it today. The whole thing is a fascinating snapshot of 17th-century life.

    I have the book for six months. So I suspect I won’t be seeing the sun very much.


  • Badger

    Oooh! Is that from Randle Holme’s Academy of Armory?

  • Charles Davis


    I imagine you’re only boring at parties if you are sporting a brace at the moment (boring-brace joke #4,598).

    Sorry to hear that some unnamed upstart is giving you fitz… just bear in mind that pasty white looks better than green anyday… lol…

  • Larry Eiss

    Chris, I still like you. In fact the longer I’ve read you, the better I’ve come to like you. Don’t be like everyone else. There are plenty of garden-variety people. They are tanned and make interesting conversation at parties; it’s true. They are not pasty white and "boring" because they have not sequestered themselves to master difficult skills. They have not practiced until they ached from the effort–over and over again. It is this shallowness that makes deeper folk seem uninteresting. Apprehending greatness, or achieving true mastery requires something most people are unwilling to give. Thank you for having taken the road less traveled by. It has made all the difference.

  • Megan

    Oh please! Who doesn’t like to talk about early examples of the twin-screw vise?!

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