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Years ago we had a Caption the Cartoon contest in every issue of the magazine. Bob Rech would draw a cartoon, and readers would send in postcards suggesting captions. It was my job to sort the hundreds of postcards (“funny ha-ha,” “funny strange” and “deeply troubled”).

After several years we discontinued to contest to make space for other columns in Popular Woodworking, but I do miss the contest.

So here’s one for old time’s sake. Above is a great photo of turner Dave Lancaster in his shop after a long session at the lathe. Write a caption for this photo before midnight April 5 and leave it in the comments below. The best caption will win a copy of our new “The Best of Shops & Workbenches” CD, which has 62 of our favorite articles on building benches, setting up your shop and filling it with the jigs you need. (You can see a slideshow of the contents of our $15 CD here.)

– Christopher Schwarz

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Recent Posts
Showing 272 comments
  • robert hood

    wood lathe? I thought you wanted me to use a block plane!

  • Tony Fortunato

    Hi Mom, You know that box of toothpicks you wanted me to pickup at the store. I saved you some money!!!

  • David Slagg

    #1. "Hello, Wood Shop. I think I made a mistake."

    #2. "I can’t believe I turned the whole thing!"

    #3. "How much pressure was I to put on the gouge?"

  • Zac Higgins

    "Got shavings?… Turn it into Cash"

  • Zac Higgins

    "What are you wearing?"

  • Stuart Hough

    Yeah!…so the wife said if you like it so much out in the shop, maybe you should just sleep out there! Man! This stuff is better than my Sleep Number Bed!

  • John Pfaff, IV

    Hello, Jimmy Johns???….

  • Bryce

    one good turn deserves another…and another…and another…

    "I was right, those hamsters have it made!"

  • Gregg Stemmann

    Hey I got to go, I have to get up and look busy I here my wife coming.

  • Gregg Stemmann

    Man talking on the phone "I hope my Wife doesnt find out what I really do in the shop"

  • Chris F

    Nah, I tried the snow angel thing already…too many splinters.

  • Michael K Lawson, Sr


    "There’s no chips, like wood chips
    Like no chips I know.
    Everything about it is appealing……

    Lets go on with the show! er:Phone call!"

    With apologies to Irving Berlin!

  • Brian

    "Can you believe that some people pay top dollar for this kind of therapy?"

  • Brian

    "I thought it would be relaxing, but it feels like potato peelings"

  • Brian

    "So I tell everyone that I’m working hard, but you know the rest…" {hardly working}

  • Bruce Betzer

    "Hello, Do you know if my shop vac is still under warranty?"

  • Hector Barrera III

    Yes Honey, I know dinners ready. I’m almost done. I just have a bit of vacuuming to do.

  • rose lightfoot

    aah! a hard days work, my mattress done at last.

  • ken

    "Beam me up Scotty"

  • Kirk Brinker

    "WARNING: If you experience a lathe turning session lasting longer than four hours, call your doctor immediately."

  • Steve Opacich

    Can you get an ambulance out here right away? I just swallowed an apple tree and I can’t stop crapping out

  • Joshua Brown

    "Yeah, Chris? Dave here. Ya know that story on hand-turned chair legs I was making prototypes for? Why don’t we push that to next month and do a head-to-head comparison of the latest shop-vacs. Yeah, we can use my shop…"

  • James Raines

    Hell No! Of course I do not want to purchase an extended warrany on my ’74 Chevy pickup.

  • Robert Schoenert

    ….ah nothin’, just making toothpicks.

  • Bill

    Sorry honey, but to spin sawdust into gold I’ll need to buy a few more tools.

  • David E Hummel

    If it lights, it lights – – we’ll leave the rest to the readers to decide!!!!

  • Wayne Hazelden

    Yeh, I told her I’d be right back.

  • Kevin Thomas

    "Seriously, Honey. Why don’t you come over for a roll in the shavings"

  • Eric

    So, THIS is how a Hamster lives……

  • Jonathan Welch

    Together we can shave the world!

  • David Greenwood

    Didn’t you always say, "Let the chips fall where they may"?

  • Earl Krause

    Yes I just finished that bed you ordered

  • Chris Brandsma

    Yes honey I know I was wrong. Yes dear I made my bed now I have to lie in it.

  • Mark Clark

    After the dust collector exploded, Dave phoned in an order for 6-pack and a pizza to drown his sorrows.

  • Bill Lukey

    Home Sweet Home

  • Morgan Smith

    Hey, Larry. This is Dave. I can’t find my smoothing plane. Can I borrow yours?

  • Alan L Falk

    Hi, is this Larry Ellison? Oh, hi, Larry… just wanted to let you know that the new mast for your yacht is done.

  • Scott Mercer

    "Ya boss, I finished planing that wood you asked me to. Is there anything else you want me to do before lunch…"

  • Alan L Falk

    Hi, is this Larry Ellison? Oh, hi, Larry… just wanted to let you know that the new mast for your yacht is done.

  • Dave Bonnette

    What! your horse died?! What am I supposed to do with all these wood shavings?

  • Brian Frame

    the doctor said I am do any day now….yeah I have the bedding ready.

  • Brian Frame

    I am now working on a minature bowl for a lady’s doll house….Oh sure it is tedious work but I am almost done with it now.

  • Roberto M. Bormann

    Do I need to clean the dust collector???

  • brian

    "I really like the texture – you can’t do this with sawdust"

  • Brian Frame

    Hello Wildlife control…I think I have been invaded by beavers..

  • Brian Frame

    yeah I decided to challenge my turning skills so I am working on a segmented bowl. Do you think 2 million pieces is over the top?

    Hello, wood turners anonymous… I think I have a problem.

  • Ron Ecke

    Hello ? Chipbusters Anonymous Hotline ???

  • Brian Frame

    Hello Bob, this is Dave. I have a question… how much do you have to turn off before you know it is perfectly round?….. oh… crap!

  • roger moss

    I know I promised… but I’m up to my a#!@# in wood shavings!!!!!

  • john z

    Yes Dear! I finally finished those 1000 toothpicks you wanted…and you want how many more?

  • Alex Kelly

    "At just $5 per sack including delivery, your wife will think you have been working hard all day!"

  • Alan Brittingham

    The "Lancaster Shavings Bed"

  • Martin Culkin

    Yes, Hello?…
    I’m calling about the free information on the Gorilla Monsoon Dust Collection System?

  • al hartka

    Hello mom I’ve given up shaving.

  • Glenn Lurie

    Hmmm… I wonder where there’s a solvent "shavings bank" to deposit this in!

  • Glenn Lurie

    "Hmmm…I wonder where there’s solvent "shavings bank" to put this in!"

  • Kenneth Handschuh

    I can’t believe I shaved the whole thing!

  • David Zavracky

    "Someday I’m gonna have to fix that pencil sharpener"

  • Doug

    Yes dear the new bed is turning out to be very comfortable.

  • Kimunya Mugo

    "Strung up? Just add a spark, you’ll feel much better in the after-world"

    "Hello, does threshing timber really yield any fruit?"

    "Now that I have shaved, where do I go next?"

  • NormZ

    Honey? What do mean by you’ve been waiting for me for lunch since yesterday?!

  • Norm

    Hello? Oneway? I seem to have lost my tailstock. I wonder if…

  • Kevin Barber

    If Dave were an Aussie…

    Yea mate, been flat out like a lizard drinkin’. Oh, and when yas manages ta break yasself away from the shiela’s at the pub, I could use a bit of a hand down here. I’ll have a couples a stubbies in the esky, fire up the barby and throw a coupla snags on fer laters.
    Cheers, mate. Tata fer now. See yas soon.

  • Robert Winkler

    Mattress Stuffing — Easy to Make —- Check Out PFD for full directions

  • David Welch

    "No honey, I have no idea what happend to the cherry tree in the front yard!"

    "Chip happens"

    "I think I’m ready to turn some store bought wood now"

    "Tell me again, how fast did Ellsworth rough out those 1000 bowls? I might have beat him this time!"

    "It was 7 yrds of hardwood multch you needed, right?"

    "Hey Tim the Tool Man Taylor, I tried that souped up lathe you sent me…"

  • dale wyatt

    why dont you guys come on over tonight we can hang out in the shop ive got some great ideas for the place

  • Tom Jones

    Dear, I just made us a bed and you said I was just wasting my time in the shop.

  • dale wyatt

    hey honey can you call the horse farm back and tell them im done the order

  • Jim Pasquini

    You know that porch column I was turning for ya? I can’t seem to find it – just this toothpick!

  • Jonathan Gobble

    They really grow the hamsters big here and smart enough to talk on the phone but man, are they ever lazy!

  • Sam Rose

    …then Penny told Sarah that she liked Brian but he could not like Penny because Kim told Amy that if Brian and Penny went steady that she… Kim not Amy, would not like Jeff anymore because his shop has too many new tools and everybody knows that too many tools means that boys night means mandatory girls night and if I cant have my woodworking time then I…

  • Don Lewis

    Hello. Is this Rainbow Stables? This is Dave Lancaster. I finally finished turning the horse bedding you requested. You can pick it up anytime. Bring your shovel.

  • Larry Lukens

    "…So I said to this guy, "Dust collection is very important. Invest in a good system that keeps your shop clean, and you won’t regret it…."

  • Jim Ballinger

    Honey, I got the whole box of toothpicks turned.

  • Philip Bates

    "Hello 911, I think I may have overdosed on spalted maple."

  • Paulo C. Rosa

    What do you mean there were TWO needles here?

  • William Goodwin

    Hi honey, I think I have enough shavings to stuff that new mattress you wanted. I used cedar so it will smell good as well. Love ya!

  • Tim Cornwell

    No honey I have not seen the dog!

  • Howard Cho

    "Nothing like making your own bed of sawdust to relax in…"

  • Gene Nandrea

    By the way, do you have any more of of that special walnut?

  • Brian Mitchell

    "Well, Joe, let me tell you… seeing that John Deere tractor motor modified as a table router was a beauty! So… um… would you happen to have any extra oak for those picture frames?"

  • Jay St. Peter

    No, mom says I can’t come out and play until I clean the shop.

  • Rob Kramer

    Hey, Honey… I got the new bed you wanted finished. Come on out to the shop and check it out.

  • Gerald Garrison

    "Yeah, hang on. I’m sure he’s here somewhere? I’ll see if I can’t dig him up for you."

  • Mike Denny

    Hey, you’ve got to come over and try out my new bench plane!

  • Bob Tate

    Hey, this Dave Lancaster. I just wanted to confirm that you were coming by today to get some shavings for the horse barn. Right! $1.00 a bag.

  • Frank Koonce

    Last thing I remember was turning the speed up on the OneWay

  • Wendy Cooper

    How thin did you say you wanted that tree trunk?

  • Ric

    Gary! You got to get over here!

    We’re making "Shaving Angels"!

    Wooooo, hooooooooo!!!!

  • Michael Luciano

    I made my bed and I will lay in it.

  • Mike

    OK Karl, remember our bet? You said that I can’t make a wooden puzzle that you cant put back together? Come on over and bring the $100.

  • Ed Hennessy

    I could just plotz…….

  • Don Montney

    "Yes your majesty, there really is a pea under here."

  • John Schultz

    Hi Honey if your in the lawn and garden section don’t worry about the mulch, No really I think we got it covered.

  • Dan Locaputo

    Dammit,I need a bigger shop!

  • Virgil Mullins

    Hello….Life Alert……I have fallen and I don’t want to get up.

  • Chet Kloss

    And Dave the pudgy hampster knew that if he kept running around his nest of wood shavings, one day, he would be a real boy…

  • Timothy R Barker

    UH,,yes sir,about that whole shop dust collection system we talked about last month..Is it still on sale and how fast can you get it to me??

  • Sam Renfro

    "Now I Lathe me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my shop to sweep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my Lathe to take. Amen!"

  • Jim Chaussee

    But, you have to take these shavings or my wife will insist on getting the chickens now.

  • john slezak

    i was trying to find the perfect design for a great big burl. when i finished it was wood chips and sawdust

  • Jim Christmas

    Yes dear, I remembeed to shave.

  • Robert Doyle

    1. This is who? Fire Marshall Bill… and you have who with you? The electrical inspector!!!
    2. No really… I’m not kidding! I really am floating on a bed of wood.
    3.That’s right… I “need” the grandchildren to come visit. I have a great weekend planned for them.
    4.Come check it out… Of all the crazy things I’ve done… this one “turned” out the best! (groaner)

  • Dan Mule'

    Thank-you Mr. President and thank-you congress. The Stimulus Package is working nicely. I’ve almost hit bottom!

  • mr hudon

    What do you mean no stimulus check?
    Did you tell him it was a “Shovel Ready” Project?

  • Rich Needham

    Sure beats the couch I slept on last night!

  • Keith Schultz

    You wanted three too Towsend? I thought you said thirty-two thousand!

  • John Murillo

    I didn’t forget dear… I’ll be in as soon as I tidy up a bit!

  • Jamie Ray

    "Yeah, lunch was great, but I had to bring my own toothpick."

  • Don B. Crinklaw

    "Pets are Us", you can come and get those cedar shavings you ordered anytime.

  • Mike Griffin

    Could I get a 7 AM Dust Collection Wakeup Call

  • Charles

    Sometimes too much fiber can be quite comfortable.

    "Yeah the dump truck of shavings just arrived… and people think I work… idiots"

    A bad time to get a call from the Fire Marshall on his way to take a look around.

    Approximately 10% of the shavings surrendered.

  • Joe Steltenpohl

    …and how much to just sweep the floor?

  • Martin Millage

    I love my Lathey Boy! Anyone seen the remote?

  • Steve Leach

    Hello, Heff? Yah, were ready for that Shop Calendar shoot.

  • Joe Fleming

    "I know those horses were here yesterday!"

  • brian

    "I’m stuffed!"

  • brian

    "My turning rates are reasonable, but clean up will cost you"

  • Tom Witt

    ‘Oh #&%@,…….did you say stripper?…. I thought you said to use the chipper!’

  • Harry Bendtsen

    "Hey Jim, this is Dave. Could you lend me your ladder?" … "You see, I was turning a project and my grip slipped and now my gouge is in the rafters." … "Yea, sure, I can wait." …

  • Tom Witt

    ‘Hello, 911? I found that scratch awl I had lost, but I’m afraid to move……Send Help….I’ll wait here!’

  • Tom Witt

    ‘Fire code?….Well of course I know what a code is!! In fact, my fire extinguisher is right under the window!………’

  • Mathew Nedeljko

    Eureka!!! I finally found it!!!!

  • Ron MacLaren

    You have HOW MANY logs you want me to pick up today?

  • Dan Hill

    Nope. Haven’t started yet. Just getting my head around the design.

  • Craig Maresch Sr

    About that antique oak desk, there was a small incident in the shop…

  • Jim Flowers

    You’ve got the wrong number, but that’s OK — just keep talking for awhile.

  • Craig Maresch Sr

    No, all of the wood arrived today, that’s not the problem!

  • Walt Schubert

    My wife thinks some of my dream projects are nightmares!


    "…Hello.. Huh? .. no, no your not interupting, I am just here in the shop trying to become one with my work…Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

  • Robert Whitlock

    Hello, Life ALert? I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! No, I can’t turn anymore. That’s what got me in this mess to begin with!

  • Cephas Buck

    ….So then she said, "It’s me or the lathe".

  • Terry Liebel

    It must have been a big rat who built this nest!

  • Craig Phillips

    Tom, stop by the house and pick up the bobcat, I need to do a little cleaning up at the shop.

  • Mike McGrath

    "Turning relaxes me"

  • Kent Krueger

    Ah, woodchips. The only way to relax while on hold with the unemployment office.

  • Joel Silverman

    Hello lens crafters cancel my perscription for those new glasses, I found my contacts.

  • Bill Webb

    Hey Hon, that new bed I promised I,d make is really comin’ along. Yeah, it’s really comfy too!!!

  • Donald Eitner

    "Glad you called, I was just about to install my new insulation."

  • Ralph Okonieski

    Next time I suspect the dust collector is full, I better check it.

  • Joe Scheffer

    "Worst catch I’ve ever had!"

  • Don Warner

    "Yeah I agree that using a 36 inch log to turn a 1/4 inch dowel might be a waste of wood but look at the money I saved. Plus I didn’t burn any gas driving to Lowes. How’s that for being ‘good for the planet’?"

  • Jerry

    Hello ten pin bowling ally the pins are ready. What you wanted ten bowls not ten pins? Hmmmmm.



  • Phil DeBerry

    …and the best thing is that if my wife is looking for me, all I have to do is burrow in and she’ll never find me.

  • Carl Dillon


    "Yes Honey I am getting to work on the items you left me to do around the house while you are visiting your mother."

  • Doug Fulkerson

    "Honey, I don’t know WHAT happened. The last thing I remember is chugging that six pack of Red Bull and thinking, ‘Hmmm, time to try out that new treadle lathe’. Next thing I know, I’m flat on my back."

  • John Warth

    "Yeah, Pest Control…about that advice you gave me to use Ipecac to treat my termite problem…"

  • Guy Forthofer

    Jeezus Krise! You want another how many of those little thingies?

  • Ralph Benson

    No, lady. I swear it’s as comfortable as memory foam, and a lot cheaper!

  • Joe Lyddon

    "I hit it BigTime! I’m in the Chips NOW!"

  • Dan Copeland

    Hello, I need to order some wood glue… I can fix this!

  • Joe Wiener

    "No, no…… I really am comfortable like this. I was born in a barn. Yeah……."

  • Steve Smith

    Yes, I’d like to order some rock maple… the poplar is just too soft.

  • Rennie Heuer

    The salad bowl business just isn’t working our for me. I’m thinking of going into animal bedding instead.

  • John Burton

    I think it’s flat now!

  • terry bloom

    Pressed board? you didn’t say how small the pieces needed to be or what to use for the press.

  • Fred Conley

    "Hey, Dad, remember when you used to call me a little shaver…?"

  • Doug Lasater

    Hello, Mr President, I think that I have found the weapons of mass destruction!

  • Fred Conley

    "Hello, Domino’s? I’d like to order a large…"

  • Ralph E Alway

    "And you thought woodworking was a bed of roses"

  • Richard Becker

    Caption "I wonder what my grandson did with that last piece of that Heart Pine that we need to finish his bed???"

  • ron vargas

    Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t find my shop vac.

  • Fred Conley

    "Really, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!!"

  • Sherry Alward

    Oh, no rush, my wife thinks I’m cleaning the shop.

  • Joe Mirandi

    Just called to tell you, I finished the bed I was making for you on the lathe!

  • Gregory Little

    Hello Honey, I think I will be sleeping in the shop tonight!

  • Scott Anderson

    Tell me again, are you wearing just a turner’s apron and face shield? That’s so hot!

  • Bob Grames

    Who knew a dust collector could reach critical mass?

  • Tony Watson

    I should have rolled in the hey because something happened to my figure.

  • Martin Kramer

    I’m calling to see if I could borrow your gouge. For
    some reason I can’t find mine.

  • Cliff Johnston

    "Now tell me this glue works well with thin edges?" I trying to make some boards!

  • Gregory Little

    Help! My dust collector just blew up!

  • Duncan Crawford

    Headquarters, Canadian Goose Benevolent Society

  • Earl Metier

    Dave, Bob,
    what have i been doing all day. Why laying in the wood for winter.

  • Brian Mitchell

    Hey, I finally got that toothpick made for you.



  • David Riseberg

    Hey honey, you know all that wood I ordered? I don’t know what happened. No matter how much I cut off, it was still too short!

  • Mark Huey

    Now I know what they mean by measure twice; cut once!

    Hey MOE, It’s me Curley.

    Honey, can you help me find my shop.

    Bowled over!

  • Victoria Eubanks

    Just another day at the office…

  • Otoe

    Babe, let’s roll in the chips for our afternoon delight.

  • Chuck Ponyik

    Are you sure there’s a work bench here?

  • scott stahl

    "You’ve got to try this. Who says shavings are just for hamsters?"

  • Chad Tennant

    Honey. I don’t know how they did it, but they found me. I won’t be coming home.

  • Art Holmes

    "Honey I think I have the solution for that new mattress you wanted"

  • Bill Monger

    Yeah…the realtor says we’re not likely to get our asking price.

  • Jim Cottingham

    "No, Dear! I don’t know where your Mother’s old wooden legs are."

  • Kim Erickson

    "I thought you said "chipper".

  • Capt Walt

    "HELLO!, Yes this is the Carpenters Union Shavings Bank"

  • Steven Westfall

    Hello, Popular Woodworking. Yes I would like to submit an article on a two billion piece wooden puzzle. Yes, I have it all cut out but could you send over a truck & a couple of people to load it and to have it taken to your showroom for assembly. I am down with a bad back. Thanks.

  • Pam Corley

    I can’t believe I planed the whole thing….

  • Thomas Porter

    Of course, I am working hard. I am up to my neck in shavings.

  • Stanley Zalumskis

    No, I am not lying on a bed of roses. Why do you ask?

  • Don Lewis

    "…No, I don’t have a beard anymore – I just got through shaving."

  • David

    I believe I’ve finally got the technique down… I need to ride the bevel… ride the bevel…

    Yes dear… please don’t be angry pumpkin, I’ll clean it up right away!

  • George Battles

    Has anybody seen my tv remote?

  • Tony McNelly

    "I’ve finished lesson 1 of that ‘Turning Wood in Dust’ CD from Popular Woodworking. Can’t wait to get at lesson 2."

  • brian mayeaux

    "I think I’ve discovered a new form of chipbreaking"

  • Philippe Bardet

    I think I messed up the bed frame you gave me for repairs. It morphed into a pretty good mattress.

  • Ed

    Ahhh, I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven!

  • Andrew Stonina

    Yes, honey, I am cleaning the shop.

  • Tim Ordway

    Finally fed up with Pinocchio’s lies, Gipetto calls 911 to confess what he’s done.

  • Marc Holloway

    Hey Chris, that tooth pick’s done mate!

  • Brian

    "Please call back after my chip break"

  • jolar


  • Anon

    frank,you still got that metal detector,i seem to have lost my keys in the sawdust pile in the shop.

  • Stiles

    I’ve made my bed and now I’m going to lie in it.

  • Bob Beckwith

    "A Fire Waiting for a Place to Start" All He needs is a Cigar in his hand.

  • ving

    ….so I sez "in fact I like your mother-in-law better than mine". Next thing I know I’m on my back in the back yard and the doors are all locked.

  • Anon

    The only place I can really relax is in my workshop!

  • singer

    "Control, send more wood; I’ve almost got it!"

  • Lamar Bailey

    Hello Rumpelstiltskin it’s me Dave. I have another job for you.

  • Dan

    Customer support I think I have a leak in my dust collection system.

  • John Hutchison

    Yes, Alex, I know that you’re being watched closely for steroid use. I just finished hollowing and corking 75 bats for you… Are you SURE you need 75 more?

  • mullins

    Yeah, go ahead and ship a new dust bag since the other one ripped open.

  • Drew Lane

    Dave (thinking to himself while on the phone): "This place is a mess. I need to clean those cob webs out of the corners."

  • Murphy

    "Really, no kidding, it feels so good I am not only laying in it, I also stuffed my shirt full of it."

  • Pete Curtis

    Hey! That wood you sold me was c**p. I couldn’t get one usable piece out of it!

  • David Pearce

    Mr. Smith? Yes, sorry it took so long, but your genuine, hand-made mulch is ready for pickup.

  • Ben

    Honey, I realize we’re not going to agree on hardwood or carpets for the den, but I think I’ve found a way we can have both.

  • Hubert Kunnemeyer

    "Uh, hello Festool?", "did you say 99.9% efficiency with that dust extractor?"

  • James Healy

    A Gerbil would’nt have it any better

  • Zach Dillinger

    See, I told you I’d be turning in my grave…

  • George

    Oh! Just shaving.

  • Claude

    Hi Doc? All of a sudden I have this tremendous urge to get into a giant wheel and run like crazy!

  • Matt

    "What do you mean fire hazzard?!"

  • JJ

    Nope, I’m not busy. Just turning in for the day.

  • Mike Witteveen

    Hey Doc, this all fiber diet is killing me and my Immodium failed miserably. Do you have anything stronger?

  • Al Navas

    Sorry honey, I’ll be late for dinner. I still have to shave…

  • Mike Adams

    Hello Acme tool company, I suspect there is something wrong with my dust collection system again!!

  • Jonas

    I have been infested with Dutch Elm disease, so now I cant get up.

  • Barb Siddiqui

    "Hello….Merry Maids?"

  • Phil Williams

    Honey….why don’t you invite the local curling club over for dinner….tell them to bring their brooms

  • Jerry

    Hello Chris? yup I finally get it, go with the grain……..

  • Rob Kirkby

    Hello, I’ve finished that toothpick you ordered

  • Steven Marcotte

    Honey, where’s the broom?

  • Dennis

    Heaven, I’m in Heaven…

  • Trevor

    "Hello, Jack? You know those 1500 bowls we needed by tomorrow? Yeah, that was a typo, we only need 15 …. Jack? Jack? Hello? …"

  • Davis

    "I tell you it was the best darn toothpick I ever made!"

  • dave brown

    No, really, I have no idea where I am . . . but it looks like a giant hamster cage full of power tools.

  • Paul Ganczarski

    "Shop Cleanup Tutorial Needed " !

  • Archae

    Hey, you wouldn’t believe how many shavings came off while making my first custom toothpick!

  • David J. Ulschmid

    Hello congressman, have you had any luck getting the steriods away from the baseball players. I can’t keep up with all the broken bats.

  • Tom Restis

    "If I only had a brain"

  • Brian

    Bad news is the wife wasn’t happy to hear I lost my wedding band; the good news is I already have a place to sleep.

  • Matt

    Hi I’d like to place an order for another dozen gross of No. 2 pencils…

  • Matt

    Did you just say you haven’t picked up any kitty liter since when??

  • Charles

    Ummm, I’m going with the shotgun approach (to be clear, this statement is not entry but a preface to numerous entries)

    "Hello 911, I’m calling to report my family has gone missing… Last place I saw them was in my shop this morning"

    Dave calls TA (Turners Anonymous) to report that he’s had a bit of setback.

    "Hey man, I’m telling you… making shaving angels is a delight"

    "Ok, I’m ready… send over the donkeys" (I’m not sure what this means)

  • Karl Homburg

    HELP, I’ve fallen and I can’t get Up!!!!!!!

  • John Borgwardt

    AHHHHHH this is the good life.

  • T. D.

    "Yes, ma’am, I read the warning on the laser about not pointing it towards your eyes, but the part that tells you how to unshrink yourself apparently rubbed off. Yes, I’ll hold . . ."

  • Don B


    Is this Madam President of Wives Against Schwarz?

    No more problem! He is now laid to rest!

    Where? About four feet under!

  • Don B

    The Life of Riley has nothing on me!

    This is the Life of Schwarz!


    (excuse the typo, Chris)!

  • Michael

    Chris, yea the wife kicked me out. At least I don’t have to worry about a bed.

  • Matt O.

    That’s right, Officer. Jimmy Hoffa is right under here.

  • Corey Megal

    An exclusive behind the scenes shot of the next cover of "LATHEBOY"

  • Paul Stine

    As the orders continued to rolled in, Dave frantically tried to cancel the six-month ad in Popular Woodworking for "Hand turned" toothpicks.

  • Neal Johnson

    Yes, three cases of Titebond II should do it.

  • Steven Zagers

    You remember that dust collection system that I said I didn’t need, well I’d like to order it now.

  • Mojo Yugen

    That pencil you ordered is done.

  • Don B

    Hello, Pet Smart?

    Your hamster bed shortage is over!!!!!!

  • Eric Madsen


  • Gene

    Yes Ma’am, I built your bed. Now, I’m just finishing up the mattress stuffing…

  • Ric

    …. so what are you waiting for? There are lots of woodworkers waiting to chat with you! Come on and join the party, dial 1-900-…..

  • rocketir 2000 at NOSPAMgmaiL DOT

    Yes dear, Yes, dear, No Dear, Of Course I remember tonight is opera night. I’m all done for the day, I just need to clean up a bit.

  • Derek Hall

    "…what am I doing? .. oh.. just being lathey"

  • David Nordrum

    To everything, turn turn, turn. There is a season, turn turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn…

  • Don Bruey

    "Yes, technically it IS 40 board feet, but it’s not what I ordered, and you know it."

  • Adam Knox

    Hey honey, we have an infestation.. that’s right.. hamsters.

  • Steve Kay

    Yes, hi. Do you carry pen turning blanks?

  • Mike

    Leroy?… Hey, its Dave. You were right. That watch you lost wasn’t in the center of that 6 foot wide Hickory log. I don’t know what i was thinking.

    Can you make it over asap? Great. Bring a defibrillator and a shovel.

  • Backwash Bob

    Caption for Photo:

    Dave, on the phone…

    "…just finished turning the legs for your 20 tables. What? Did you say two-inches at the top, tapering to one-inch or vice-versa?"


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