Chris Schwarz's Blog

Panic in the Morning Mail

What’s this? It’s a lovely mountain scene that would make Bob Ross proud. Happy little trees. Oh look, the big gymnosperm is reflected in the water. I can almost taste the wood smoke and feel the cold nip of the mountain air blowing off the snow-capped peaks.

But what is this work of art doing in my e-mail’s inbox? Why, it’s from eBay. But I didn’t set up a search for oil paintings.

Dear god. The dreaded cult of saw painters has moved on to coping saws, after having depleted our supply of Woodrow & McParlin panther saws. What’s next? Geishas painted on dozukis? French bread painted on frame saws?

At least it wasn’t a Millers Falls No. 42.

– Christopher Schwarz

15 thoughts on “Panic in the Morning Mail

  1. Clay Dowling

    I don’t think stretching a canvas on this frame could really be considered defacement. The saw was barely good enough for scrap metal.

    As for people painting on panel saws, it might hurt your heart, but there’s nothing wrong with it. A saw which had no or minimal value has been given value. It’s exactly what you do when you saw up a fallen tree into lumber. Somebody else may have had designs on it for firewood, but you got it first, so you get to do with it as you please.

  2. me.yahoo.com/a/iW1ZUdFypdN6QP5sQc6EBs75k3Qi7Q--

    It never ceases to amaze me Chris that people who prefer to be referred to as artists ruin valuable antiquities with their expressionary garbage. Norman Rockwell had the right idea, using canvas to portray pleasantries of yesteryear in a responsible manner. Gang trash as well lend to the trashing of America with their tacky trademarks all over anything that doesn’t belong to them when they could actually contribute to society by donating their efforts to something constructive that everyone could and would enjoy. I say both belong in the same boat. After all, how would artist feel if we made a chisel or scraper out of a metalic object that is suppose to represent art, or, how about the reaction of all the gangland trash given they were sentenced to live in properities they destroy with paint. Where has America gone? I could never envision myself as destroying or manipulating a rare piece of Green and Green or Stickley, or using a prized piece of Chestnut to make a firewood box, therefore I loathe those who ruin anything for the true patriots that cherish and preserve what is tried and true history.

  3. Ray Knight

    You all can say all the bad stuff you want, but Chris you did buy it didn’t you. Probably better than throwing it away. Ray Knight

  4. Bob DeViney

    "… big gymnosperm …"

    I’m reminded of the time I was looking at some ranches in the Steens Mountain area, and a representative from one of the conservation groups referred to the wild horses at a spring as "charismatic mega-fauna." Lots of silent stares.

  5. Mark Rine

    Why couldn’t the artist have used something like a drivers side mirror from a beat up ford truck. I’ve found an unlimited supply here in tha’ south.

  6. Jonas Jensen

    Maybe the magazine should buy some paintings like these, and they should be awarded to the worst trick of the month or the most unsafe worker in the workshop.

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