Caption This Photo and Win a CD

Years ago we had a Caption the Cartoon contest in every issue of the magazine. Bob Rech would draw a cartoon, and readers would send in postcards suggesting captions. It was my job to sort the hundreds of postcards (“funny ha-ha,” “funny strange” and “deeply troubled”).

After several years we discontinued to contest to make space for other columns in Popular Woodworking, but I do miss the contest.

So here’s one for old time’s sake. Above is a great photo of turner Dave Lancaster in his shop after a long session at the lathe. Write a caption for this photo before midnight April 5 and leave it in the comments below. The best caption will win a copy of our new “The Best of Shops & Workbenches” CD, which has 62 of our favorite articles on building benches, setting up your shop and filling it with the jigs you need. (You can see a slideshow of the contents of our $15 CD here.)

– Christopher Schwarz

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272 thoughts on “Caption This Photo and Win a CD

  1. Tony Fortunato

    Hi Mom, You know that box of toothpicks you wanted me to pickup at the store. I saved you some money!!!

  2. David Slagg

    #1. "Hello, Wood Shop. I think I made a mistake."

    #2. "I can’t believe I turned the whole thing!"

    #3. "How much pressure was I to put on the gouge?"

  3. Stuart Hough

    Yeah!…so the wife said if you like it so much out in the shop, maybe you should just sleep out there! Man! This stuff is better than my Sleep Number Bed!

  4. Bryce

    one good turn deserves another…and another…and another…

    "I was right, those hamsters have it made!"

  5. Gregg Stemmann

    Man talking on the phone "I hope my Wife doesnt find out what I really do in the shop"

  6. Michael K Lawson, Sr

    Caption:

    "There’s no chips, like wood chips
    Like no chips I know.
    Everything about it is appealing……

    Lets go on with the show! er:Phone call!"

    With apologies to Irving Berlin!

  7. Brian

    "So I tell everyone that I’m working hard, but you know the rest…" {hardly working}

  8. Hector Barrera III

    Yes Honey, I know dinners ready. I’m almost done. I just have a bit of vacuuming to do.

  9. Kirk Brinker

    "WARNING: If you experience a lathe turning session lasting longer than four hours, call your doctor immediately."

  10. Steve Opacich

    Can you get an ambulance out here right away? I just swallowed an apple tree and I can’t stop crapping out
    shavings!

  11. Joshua Brown

    "Yeah, Chris? Dave here. Ya know that story on hand-turned chair legs I was making prototypes for? Why don’t we push that to next month and do a head-to-head comparison of the latest shop-vacs. Yeah, we can use my shop…"

  12. James Raines

    Hell No! Of course I do not want to purchase an extended warrany on my ’74 Chevy pickup.

  13. David E Hummel

    If it lights, it lights – – we’ll leave the rest to the readers to decide!!!!

  14. Mark Clark

    After the dust collector exploded, Dave phoned in an order for 6-pack and a pizza to drown his sorrows.

  15. Morgan Smith

    Hey, Larry. This is Dave. I can’t find my smoothing plane. Can I borrow yours?

  16. Scott Mercer

    "Ya boss, I finished planing that wood you asked me to. Is there anything else you want me to do before lunch…"

  17. Brian Frame

    I am now working on a minature bowl for a lady’s doll house….Oh sure it is tedious work but I am almost done with it now.

  18. Brian Frame

    yeah I decided to challenge my turning skills so I am working on a segmented bowl. Do you think 2 million pieces is over the top?

    Hello, wood turners anonymous… I think I have a problem.

  19. Brian Frame

    Hello Bob, this is Dave. I have a question… how much do you have to turn off before you know it is perfectly round?….. oh… crap!

  20. john z

    Yes Dear! I finally finished those 1000 toothpicks you wanted…and you want how many more?

  21. Alex Kelly

    "At just $5 per sack including delivery, your wife will think you have been working hard all day!"

  22. Martin Culkin

    Yes, Hello?…
    I’m calling about the free information on the Gorilla Monsoon Dust Collection System?

  23. Kimunya Mugo

    "Strung up? Just add a spark, you’ll feel much better in the after-world"

    "Hello, does threshing timber really yield any fruit?"

    "Now that I have shaved, where do I go next?"

  24. Kevin Barber

    If Dave were an Aussie…

    Yea mate, been flat out like a lizard drinkin’. Oh, and when yas manages ta break yasself away from the shiela’s at the pub, I could use a bit of a hand down here. I’ll have a couples a stubbies in the esky, fire up the barby and throw a coupla snags on fer laters.
    Cheers, mate. Tata fer now. See yas soon.

  25. David Welch

    "No honey, I have no idea what happend to the cherry tree in the front yard!"

    "Chip happens"

    "I think I’m ready to turn some store bought wood now"

    "Tell me again, how fast did Ellsworth rough out those 1000 bowls? I might have beat him this time!"

    "It was 7 yrds of hardwood multch you needed, right?"

    "Hey Tim the Tool Man Taylor, I tried that souped up lathe you sent me…"

  26. dale wyatt

    why dont you guys come on over tonight we can hang out in the shop ive got some great ideas for the place

  27. Jim Pasquini

    You know that porch column I was turning for ya? I can’t seem to find it – just this toothpick!

  28. Jonathan Gobble

    They really grow the hamsters big here and smart enough to talk on the phone but man, are they ever lazy!

  29. Sam Rose

    …then Penny told Sarah that she liked Brian but he could not like Penny because Kim told Amy that if Brian and Penny went steady that she… Kim not Amy, would not like Jeff anymore because his shop has too many new tools and everybody knows that too many tools means that boys night means mandatory girls night and if I cant have my woodworking time then I…

  30. Don Lewis

    Hello. Is this Rainbow Stables? This is Dave Lancaster. I finally finished turning the horse bedding you requested. You can pick it up anytime. Bring your shovel.

  31. Larry Lukens

    "…So I said to this guy, "Dust collection is very important. Invest in a good system that keeps your shop clean, and you won’t regret it…."

  32. William Goodwin

    Hi honey, I think I have enough shavings to stuff that new mattress you wanted. I used cedar so it will smell good as well. Love ya!

  33. Brian Mitchell

    "Well, Joe, let me tell you… seeing that John Deere tractor motor modified as a table router was a beauty! So… um… would you happen to have any extra oak for those picture frames?"

  34. Rob Kramer

    Hey, Honey… I got the new bed you wanted finished. Come on out to the shop and check it out.

  35. Gerald Garrison

    "Yeah, hang on. I’m sure he’s here somewhere? I’ll see if I can’t dig him up for you."

  36. Bob Tate

    Hey, this Dave Lancaster. I just wanted to confirm that you were coming by today to get some shavings for the horse barn. Right! $1.00 a bag.

  37. Mike

    OK Karl, remember our bet? You said that I can’t make a wooden puzzle that you cant put back together? Come on over and bring the $100.

  38. John Schultz

    Hi Honey if your in the lawn and garden section don’t worry about the mulch, No really I think we got it covered.

  39. Chet Kloss

    And Dave the pudgy hampster knew that if he kept running around his nest of wood shavings, one day, he would be a real boy…

  40. Timothy R Barker

    UH,,yes sir,about that whole shop dust collection system we talked about last month..Is it still on sale and how fast can you get it to me??

  41. Sam Renfro

    Dail-A-Prayer.
    "Now I Lathe me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my shop to sweep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my Lathe to take. Amen!"

  42. Jim Chaussee

    But, you have to take these shavings or my wife will insist on getting the chickens now.

  43. john slezak

    i was trying to find the perfect design for a great big burl. when i finished it was wood chips and sawdust

  44. Robert Doyle

    1. This is who? Fire Marshall Bill… and you have who with you? The electrical inspector!!!
    2. No really… I’m not kidding! I really am floating on a bed of wood.
    3.That’s right… I “need” the grandchildren to come visit. I have a great weekend planned for them.
    4.Come check it out… Of all the crazy things I’ve done… this one “turned” out the best! (groaner)

  45. Dan Mule'

    Thank-you Mr. President and thank-you congress. The Stimulus Package is working nicely. I’ve almost hit bottom!

  46. mr hudon

    What do you mean no stimulus check?
    Did you tell him it was a “Shovel Ready” Project?

  47. Don B. Crinklaw

    "Pets are Us", you can come and get those cedar shavings you ordered anytime.

  48. Charles

    Sometimes too much fiber can be quite comfortable.

    "Yeah the dump truck of shavings just arrived… and people think I work… idiots"

    A bad time to get a call from the Fire Marshall on his way to take a look around.

    Approximately 10% of the shavings surrendered.

  49. Tom Witt

    ‘Oh #&%@,…….did you say stripper?…. I thought you said to use the chipper!’

  50. Harry Bendtsen

    "Hey Jim, this is Dave. Could you lend me your ladder?" … "You see, I was turning a project and my grip slipped and now my gouge is in the rafters." … "Yea, sure, I can wait." …

  51. Tom Witt

    ‘Hello, 911? I found that scratch awl I had lost, but I’m afraid to move……Send Help….I’ll wait here!’

  52. Tom Witt

    ‘Fire code?….Well of course I know what a code is!! In fact, my fire extinguisher is right under the window!………’

  53. PADDY

    "…Hello.. Huh? .. no, no your not interupting, I am just here in the shop trying to become one with my work…Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

  54. Robert Whitlock

    Hello, Life ALert? I’ve fallen and I can’t get up! No, I can’t turn anymore. That’s what got me in this mess to begin with!

  55. Kent Krueger

    Ah, woodchips. The only way to relax while on hold with the unemployment office.

  56. Joel Silverman

    Hello lens crafters cancel my perscription for those new glasses, I found my contacts.

  57. Bill Webb

    Hey Hon, that new bed I promised I,d make is really comin’ along. Yeah, it’s really comfy too!!!

  58. Don Warner

    "Yeah I agree that using a 36 inch log to turn a 1/4 inch dowel might be a waste of wood but look at the money I saved. Plus I didn’t burn any gas driving to Lowes. How’s that for being ‘good for the planet’?"

  59. Jerry

    Hello ten pin bowling ally the pins are ready. What you wanted ten bowls not ten pins? Hmmmmm.

  60. Phil DeBerry

    …and the best thing is that if my wife is looking for me, all I have to do is burrow in and she’ll never find me.

  61. Carl Dillon

    Caption:

    "Yes Honey I am getting to work on the items you left me to do around the house while you are visiting your mother."

  62. Doug Fulkerson

    "Honey, I don’t know WHAT happened. The last thing I remember is chugging that six pack of Red Bull and thinking, ‘Hmmm, time to try out that new treadle lathe’. Next thing I know, I’m flat on my back."

  63. John Warth

    "Yeah, Pest Control…about that advice you gave me to use Ipecac to treat my termite problem…"

  64. Joe Wiener

    "No, no…… I really am comfortable like this. I was born in a barn. Yeah……."

  65. terry bloom

    Pressed board? you didn’t say how small the pieces needed to be or what to use for the press.

  66. Richard Becker

    Caption "I wonder what my grandson did with that last piece of that Heart Pine that we need to finish his bed???"

  67. Scott Anderson

    Tell me again, are you wearing just a turner’s apron and face shield? That’s so hot!

  68. Martin Kramer

    I’m calling to see if I could borrow your gouge. For
    some reason I can’t find mine.

  69. Cliff Johnston

    "Now tell me this glue works well with thin edges?" I trying to make some boards!

  70. CHARLIE TURNER

    WHAT DOWNTURN IN THE ECONOMY,I AM SEEING A HUGE UPTURN IN MY BUSINESS, I AM STILL IN THE "CHIPS"!!!

  71. David Riseberg

    Hey honey, you know all that wood I ordered? I don’t know what happened. No matter how much I cut off, it was still too short!

  72. Mark Huey

    Now I know what they mean by measure twice; cut once!

    Hey MOE, It’s me Curley.

    Honey, can you help me find my shop.

    Bowled over!

  73. Steven Westfall

    Hello, Popular Woodworking. Yes I would like to submit an article on a two billion piece wooden puzzle. Yes, I have it all cut out but could you send over a truck & a couple of people to load it and to have it taken to your showroom for assembly. I am down with a bad back. Thanks.

  74. David

    I believe I’ve finally got the technique down… I need to ride the bevel… ride the bevel…

    Yes dear… please don’t be angry pumpkin, I’ll clean it up right away!

  75. Tony McNelly

    "I’ve finished lesson 1 of that ‘Turning Wood in Dust’ CD from Popular Woodworking. Can’t wait to get at lesson 2."

  76. Philippe Bardet

    I think I messed up the bed frame you gave me for repairs. It morphed into a pretty good mattress.

  77. Tim Ordway

    Finally fed up with Pinocchio’s lies, Gipetto calls 911 to confess what he’s done.

  78. Anon

    frank,you still got that metal detector,i seem to have lost my keys in the sawdust pile in the shop.

  79. ving

    ….so I sez "in fact I like your mother-in-law better than mine". Next thing I know I’m on my back in the back yard and the doors are all locked.

  80. John Hutchison

    Yes, Alex, I know that you’re being watched closely for steroid use. I just finished hollowing and corking 75 bats for you… Are you SURE you need 75 more?

  81. Drew Lane

    Dave (thinking to himself while on the phone): "This place is a mess. I need to clean those cob webs out of the corners."

  82. Murphy

    "Really, no kidding, it feels so good I am not only laying in it, I also stuffed my shirt full of it."

  83. Ben

    Honey, I realize we’re not going to agree on hardwood or carpets for the den, but I think I’ve found a way we can have both.

  84. Claude

    Hi Doc? All of a sudden I have this tremendous urge to get into a giant wheel and run like crazy!

  85. Mike Adams

    Hello Acme tool company, I suspect there is something wrong with my dust collection system again!!

  86. Phil Williams

    Honey….why don’t you invite the local curling club over for dinner….tell them to bring their brooms

  87. Trevor

    "Hello, Jack? You know those 1500 bowls we needed by tomorrow? Yeah, that was a typo, we only need 15 …. Jack? Jack? Hello? …"

  88. dave brown

    No, really, I have no idea where I am . . . but it looks like a giant hamster cage full of power tools.

  89. Archae

    Hey, you wouldn’t believe how many shavings came off while making my first custom toothpick!

  90. Brian

    Bad news is the wife wasn’t happy to hear I lost my wedding band; the good news is I already have a place to sleep.

  91. Charles

    Ummm, I’m going with the shotgun approach (to be clear, this statement is not entry but a preface to numerous entries)

    "Hello 911, I’m calling to report my family has gone missing… Last place I saw them was in my shop this morning"

    Dave calls TA (Turners Anonymous) to report that he’s had a bit of setback.

    "Hey man, I’m telling you… making shaving angels is a delight"

    "Ok, I’m ready… send over the donkeys" (I’m not sure what this means)

  92. T. D.

    "Yes, ma’am, I read the warning on the laser about not pointing it towards your eyes, but the part that tells you how to unshrink yourself apparently rubbed off. Yes, I’ll hold . . ."

  93. Don B

    Hello!

    Is this Madam President of Wives Against Schwarz?

    No more problem! He is now laid to rest!

    Where? About four feet under!

  94. Don B

    The Life of Riley has nothing on me!

    This is the Life of Schwarz!

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    (excuse the typo, Chris)!

  95. Paul Stine

    As the orders continued to rolled in, Dave frantically tried to cancel the six-month ad in Popular Woodworking for "Hand turned" toothpicks.

  96. Steven Zagers

    You remember that dust collection system that I said I didn’t need, well I’d like to order it now.

  97. Ric

    …. so what are you waiting for? There are lots of woodworkers waiting to chat with you! Come on and join the party, dial 1-900-…..

  98. rocketir 2000 at NOSPAMgmaiL DOT

    Yes dear, Yes, dear, No Dear, Of Course I remember tonight is opera night. I’m all done for the day, I just need to clean up a bit.

  99. David Nordrum

    To everything, turn turn, turn. There is a season, turn turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn…

  100. Don Bruey

    "Yes, technically it IS 40 board feet, but it’s not what I ordered, and you know it."

  101. Mike

    Leroy?… Hey, its Dave. You were right. That watch you lost wasn’t in the center of that 6 foot wide Hickory log. I don’t know what i was thinking.

    Can you make it over asap? Great. Bring a defibrillator and a shovel.

  102. Backwash Bob

    Caption for Photo:

    Dave, on the phone…

    "…just finished turning the legs for your 20 tables. What? Did you say two-inches at the top, tapering to one-inch or vice-versa?"

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