Caption the Photo Contest (a.k.a. 'Pick on Glen)

Senior Editor Glen D. Huey was out of the office last week, purportedly teaching a class on building a tea table at Acanthus Workshops. But on Friday, I got a photo via e-mail from Chuck Bender (the founder of Acanthus Workshops), and it doesn’t look to me as if Glen was working very hard. So, just to embarrass Glen (one of my favorite pastimes), I’m holding a “Caption the Photo” contest. Whomever supplies the funniest caption (if you make me expel Diet Coke from my nose, you win) in the comment section by 2 p.m. Friday, July 17, will get a free copy of our newest CD: “The Arts & Mysteries of Hand Tools,” which you can read more about in the post below, or here.

(And yes, I realize the intrinsic irony of offering a hand-tool-related prize for any contest featuring Glen.)

– Megan Fitzpatrick

155 thoughts on “Caption the Photo Contest (a.k.a. 'Pick on Glen)

  1. Tom O'Brien

    All the time I saved using power tools instead of hand tools has to go somewhere!

  2. Lynn Hagans

    During research for an upcoming article, Glen spent hours using this elaborate rig to test the strength properties of the oak board (shown in photo above his head).

  3. Robert Hazelwood

    "Ohhh I just eat $23 quaddrillion dollars worth of food from Wolf Gang Pucks!!!!!"

  4. RC

    When not in the workshop, building toys for orphans, Glen Huey tests tuna nets to ensure they are dolphin safe.

  5. RC

    Er, correction.

    "And here kids, we have the "supinus glenhueyus," also known as the Southern Yellow Supine. It’s often planted as an ornamental and has little commercial value."

  6. RC

    And here kids, we have the "pinus glenhueyus," also known as the Southern Yellow Supine. It’s often planted as an ornamental and has little commercial value.

  7. Bill Law

    Don’t tell me I’m not working, I’m contemplating a project design. What do I have to do, sit like Rodin’s Thinker?

  8. Richard Dooling

    "Glen Huey demonstrates cutting a difficult mortise using a chisel and a Chris Schwartz (not pictured)."

  9. Pat Bopray

    SAFETY NAP: "A rested mind is a sharp mind and we all know how important it is to work with sharp tools."

    That’s my story & I’m sticking with it!
    G. Huey

  10. Louis Bois

    "Dang, I knew I shouldn’t have rinsed those burritos down with a tall vanilla frapuccino skinny wet with legs…though I may be rewarded with enough wind to flatulate Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata…sigh…"

  11. Tess

    Now class, the most important step in producing our zen tea cart must be carefully envisioned….ohhhhmmmmmm….

  12. Steven McRorie

    Help Mr Wizard, I don’t want to work hard anymore …

    Twizzle, twazzle, twuzzle-twown, time for this one to come home …

  13. Dan Duce

    Caption:
    "As Glen sways in the warm breeze he rememers those wonderful years he spent competing on the Hawaii State hula team."

  14. Michael Benz

    Why waste precious time, money, and shop space on expensive complicated tools like jointers, planers, and band saws to true up irregular stock?

    ….For instance, 200 to 250 pounds of pull is optimal pressure to straighten this once badly-bowed oak 2×2 using the new corded Yank-o-Matic Board Straightener from Glenco…. It’s Hue-Man Powered!!!

    Simply attach the cords and apply the pressure!
    It’s so E-Z you can do it while you Z-Z!

  15. Bernie

    I feel pretty,
    Oh, so pretty,
    I feel pretty and witty and bright!
    And I pity
    Any woodworker who isn’t me tonight.

  16. Elizabeth Freeman

    "Two weeping willows sent to the mill after receiving a stress fracture when Huey logged off the job."

  17. imdrmarshall.myopenid.com

    (Looking into small web-cam)"that’s right Steve, it will fit together perfectly after your final sanding… Megan Fitzpatrick wont have a clue that i taught this class from my trusty ole’ hammock that i keep in my tool chest at all times"

    although this may have a few tid-bits of MY OWN reality, i am sure it will fit in place nicely….lol…

    thanks for keeping everyone on their toes Megan, this is just one more reason i continue to read Popular Woodworking

    Rev. Dr. Marshall W. Snead

  18. Rock McNelly

    Few people realize that Glen’s secret desire is to become a professional Macarena Dancer. His desire is so strong that he even practices his moves in his sleep!

  19. Charles Murray

    No really, I had to saw a ton of logs all by myself, and all with-out power tools of any type.

    Megan,

    I don’t know about Diet Coke, but maybe some sawdust.

    Charles

  20. Richard Lewis

    If I had known they wanted to put me to work testing the hammock they made instead of teaching a class I would have never left the office!!

  21. Neil

    Someone has to test this new tree pulling system. In only a week or so one of these tree will be uprooted. Dear it may go fastest with more wieght, get me a beer!

  22. Raj

    "Oh, you wanted me to "Go find some hemlock!?" I thought you said "Go find a hammock." My bad.

  23. Raj

    Wife, from the back door: "Honey, it’s work on the phone."
    Glen: "Tell them I’m in the middle of a ticklish glue-up. … morons."

    Or how about:

    Disapproving Wife: "Glen, really."
    Glen: "What? It said on the can, ‘Work in a well-ventilated area.’"

    OK, here’s my last shot:
    "Glen Huey takes a break between coats — of sunscreen."

  24. Stanton Ryals

    just dreamin, "with visions of purrrfectly cut dovetail joints dancing in my head."

  25. Edgar Ybarra

    Heidi Klum…Meh
    Megan Fox…Meh
    Anjelina Jolie…Meh
    Norm Abram and The New Yankee Workshop…OH! BABY!

  26. John Verreault

    Let’s correct that last one (sorry)….

    Okay class. Now, if you put one hand back here and the other in front like this, then rub both at the same time, where will the genie pop-out?

  27. John Verreault

    "Okay class. Now, if you put one hand back here and the other in front like this, then rub both at the same time, where the genie will pop out?"

  28. Ed Keating

    Glen is actively working on the new article: "We put the new SPW* joint to the ultimate test" for an upcoming issue.

    * SPW – Super Polypropylene-Wood (or could better be described as Supine Popular Woodworking)

  29. Brian

    Here Glen tests the maximum dynamic load of an oak stretcher using a specially built jig.

  30. Brian Whittaker

    Senior editor Huey is seen here stress-testing the Cherubini hammock, hand-tied entirely of authentic mid-eighteenth century knots as found in a recently discovered handbook for Royal Navy mid-shipmen.

  31. Roger Myers

    Top 10 reasons I’m in the hammock…
    10 – I’m studying leaf shapes from a different point of view.
    9 – I am sawing wood, just listen…
    8 – My next class is on making outdoor beds.
    7 – I had an adrenalin rush when I used a handsaw, and had to lay down.
    6 – 14 mortises without power! What was I thinking!
    5 – You have to wait 30 minutes before you can use a hand plane after eating lunch…or you get cramps.
    4 – I’m waiting for the shellac flakes to dissolve.
    3 – I was going to lay on the workbench, but someone was using it to work with..sheesh…
    2 – Measure Twice, Nap Once…
    and the number 1 reason…
    We had a power failure and Chris wasn’t here to help me.

  32. Bill

    And then in step 3, when the finish has dried and I awaken from my hibernation, errr, I mean nap. I’ll show you how to dismount a hammock without breaking anything too important. I hope!

  33. Danny Guegueirre

    I can think of two lines.
    How about "I’m sure going to earn my pay today. I’m about to saw some serious logs".

    Or "Safety is very important to me, nobody moves, nobody gets hurt".

    Danny Guegueirre

  34. Kirk Brinker

    Glen,

    After the ‘tea table’, how about a class on building a wooden cooler and a couple of Adirondack chairs.

    Kirk

  35. Claude

    "I can’t believe they actually pay me for this, speaking of pay…. I wonder when that raise Megan promised me is coming through!"

    Claude

  36. Per Ludvigsson

    "Woodworking is really hard work. I had to drill 40 holes in these two pieces of wood just to make this hammock."

    Per

  37. Raymond J Kaderabek

    Glen Is just like a lot of us wood workers they get thier best work done when thier sleeping . I myself spend so time dreaming about what I’m going to make and what technique I’m going to use ,that when I wake up I’m to tired to state the project .

  38. Jim Woischke

    I wish I could do a George Washington and chop down one of those Cherry Trees; that will wake him up so he can get back to class.

  39. James Orwig

    Of course…mental telepathy is the best way to communicate to your students…NOT!

  40. TedM

    Attaining perfect balance, and harmony, Glenn demonstrates another of his many skills…

    When I dance they call me Macarena
    and the boys they say that I’m buena
    they all want me, they can’t have me
    So they all come and dance beside me
    move with me, jam with me
    and if your good I’d take you home with me

  41. WC

    "Glen no function beer well without."
    "It’s not easy to juggle a magazine job and a class schedule, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of nap a day."
    "There’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with tools, wood, teaching, but those were dead ends! I think this hammock is the answer."
    "Note to self: Stop. Doing. Anything."

  42. David Duvall

    It looks like he used the same teaching methods my mother did, Don’t do as I do, You do as I tell you to do!

  43. Ken Copenhaver

    Glen demonstrates power tool safety by staying as far away from them as possible.

  44. TJ

    As Gary Hart said in 1988 – "Follow me around. I don’t care. I’m serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They’ll be very bored."

  45. Richard Jussaume

    This is one of my most brilliant ideas ever. I don’t have to USE the power tools. This way it’ll SOUND like I’m using power tools and no one will come to check up on me!

  46. Richard Hamlin

    "It may have taken me until Friday to get into this hammock, but I think I need another week off from work to get out of it."

  47. Roger Myers

    "Pins first or tails first? hah… when you use power tools, you get to choose tails down! Keep chopping boys!"

  48. Don B

    Caption:
    For some reason that no one understands, Glen finds it impossible to fall asleep unless he adjusts his arms and legs into a "Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance" pose.

  49. Mary Capps

    So many tree branches that could be "turned" into table legs, so little time…zzzzzzz

  50. Jeremy Bresley

    -When I get back to the office and found out who took this picture of me, they’re going to be cleaning sawdust out of places they didn’t even think was possible.

  51. Farms100

    With a nod and apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan’s pirates of penzance.

    I am the very model of a modern power-woodworker,
    I’ve information router, saw and dovetail,
    I know the kings of publishing, and I quote the design historical,
    From fess-tool to porter-cable, in order categorical;
    I’m very well acquainted with matters quite electrical
    I understand joinery both simple and dovetailical
    About finishing theorem I’m teaming with a lot o’ news,
    With many cheerful facts about the square and rectangle,
    I’m very good at dovetails with diferential angle-us.
    I know the scientific names of beings woodculous
    In short, in matters router, saw and dovetail
    I am the very model of the modern power-woodworker.

  52. raney

    World Weekly News Exclusive: Since Faith Left, Tim McGraw on Steady 130-Twinkie-a-Day Diet!

    RN

  53. David Pearce

    Every hammock building course at Acanthus Workshops ends with a stress test. Here we see Glen administering the "methinks the lady doth protest too much" test.

  54. Mike Halporn

    "Resorted to wood to make a living" Of course you wouldn’t have, you’d be instead some kind of surgeon, neurosurgeon, tree surgeon, whatever, and you’d be on another blog.

    "No trees were harmed…….." How could they have been? I told you the gosh darn thing was made out of metal. This assertion just furthers the validity of my perspicacious observation.

    Kari, Diet Code Red on your keyboard is a far cry better than that Gooey Red Stuff on the pin board’s tail socket waste in that drawer chapter. BTW I’m a real fan, and all my woman woodworking friends really loved it when I sent them the link to your blog.

    And finally, to report on some additional information that has just come to light, following meticulous research underpinning the photoshopping splicing feature used to unite the ghastly perihammockian field with the immediate surrounds locale evinced from GoogleEarth, then translating the derived GPS coordinates, definitively proves that the hammock is located at least a three day’s drive away from East Coventry with no air service. Charles and Lorraine, are you reading this? Please, save yourselves. Run, don’t walk to your bank and put a stop payment on the cheque.

  55. woodgeek.myopenid.com

    Reportedly kidnapped from the Acanthus Workshops, Glen Huey was just spotted relaxing at Homer Simpson’s Self-Help Seminar — 50 miles away in Springfield, Pa!

    Kent Brockman will have more tonite at 5!

  56. Charles

    Sorry, I thought this was more of a roast of Glenn. And "I can never get enough of a good roast" (also a caption?). I hope the healing can now begin.

    Here’s a couple, less-borderline captions:
    "There must be a way to get some electrons to swing me."
    The only other bed that I’d rather be laying on is that of a 16" Colladay jointer.

  57. Chris C

    Here’s mine:

    "I wonder if I lay here long enough nobody will notice that
    I accidentally glued my hands to myself."

  58. ric

    "Mmmmmmmmm…… Photo Shoot with Norm in flowery panties……. Now my life is complete."

  59. Chuck Bender

    Glen,

    I would have thought your mind would have run towards "Heh, and Chuck is still in there with his stinking spokeshave…"

    And I’m glad to hear that the "Ice Cream Photos" are safely locked away with the Zapruder film and the Watergate files.

  60. Glen

    Where is all the woodworker creativity? Eric’s comment is too easy. "I think I just felt it kick" is borderline mean (but funny!). Finally, Keith and Rob hit the intended idea, power tools.

    How about "On the seventh day he rested" or "I hereby call to order the first annual meeting of the Corded Tool Society."

    No worries about those ice cream photos, Chuck. That isn’t going to happen!

  61. David Pearce

    Welcome to the Acanthus Workshops wood carving course. Today we will sculpt the classic "Glen in Repose". Does everyone have the required 250lb block of White Pine and your chainsaws?

  62. Chuck Bender

    Mike,

    You have called into question my honor. Sir, I respectfully submit, if I had THAT kind of talent (with Photoshop or any other "doctoring" program) would I have ever resorted to wood to make a living? Notice the gentle curve of the once straight wooden spreader and the not-so-gentle curve of the rest of the hammock. This would have to be the work of a master editor the likes of which the world has never seen.

    Additionally, I am willing to submit photos of the hammock support system for your review. Short of being able to directly post those photos here I offer the following disclaimer: "no trees were harmed during the taking of this photo".

    Eric,

    Glen was nowhere near water when this photo was taken (the pool is clearly a good 30′ away). So, your comment is entirely out of line buddy.

    To Megan I have but to say, there is truth in humor.

    Charles and Farms…extremely funny. Uncalled for (except by that Fitzpatrick woman) but funny.

    Glen,

    Like Charles, I too find this thing entirely distasteful. It’s rude, crude and obnoxious. Hopefully, my protestation is just enough to prevent the publication of the "ice cream" photos…

  63. Charles

    Glenn, I’d just like to say that I find this sort of thing entirely distasteful… and if not commanded to do so by the forces that be on this blog, I would never have been a party to this type of behavior. So, I hope "we’re good".

    With that, I’m just going to add one more caption to my previous:
    "I think I just felt it kick"
    -Charles

  64. Farms100

    "Chris that is not some long forgotten form of woodworking bench!"

    "If I pretend to sleep, maybe Chris Schwarz will stop trying to teach me how to sharpen?"

  65. Mike Halporn

    Pick on Huey? No way. But pick up details in this so obviously doctored (that’s what they used to call it before PhotoShop got invented) photo? Absolutely. Don’t y’all find it somewhat peculiar that the hammock support system isn’t visible? That’s probably because he shipped his tools to the school before he went on the lam without them, and had to use a ready made metal frame instead of making one. Shame for the deception and shame for the metal. Of course if you were publishing The Home Machinist or something, that would be a different STORY. At Popular Woodworking though, the only saving grace is the WOODEN spreader, but that sure doesn’t count for a heck of a lot. Does it? 😀

    Not necessarily such an IRONy after all……just take a look at his Hepplewhite Table DVD where he HAND CUTS the dovetails for the drawer. Everything’s going just ROSY for a while, then there’s obviously a continuity problem or something because after one scene CUTTING over to another a most peculiar substance appears on the waste of the pin board. So now a dilemma. Do I go with "Ironman" or "Bloodwood?" Great DVD though.

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